In the famous words of Fairground Attraction, “it’s got to be perfect”.
Whilst you might feel like you can’t take second best, perfectionism escalates, judges, ruins, and traps us.
Have you ever thought that if it’s not perfect, then:
- It’s wrong
- It’s rubbish
- Therefore I’m not very good
- I’m rubbish too
- I should give up
- I can’t get anything right
- I’m just a big failure
The perfectionism cycle
I was trapped in the perfectionism cycle for MANY years during my career (and I mean MANY). At the time, it didn’t feel like a trap. It felt like a success; I proudly wore it like a badge of honour.
Whilst I was indeed getting results, achieving high standards that were outstanding and beyond my expectations, continually striving for the elusive ‘perfect’ meant that anything less was a failure.
This cycle is not a good place to be trapped in, and the process will repeat over and over. This trap made me feel like a failure most of the time – does that ring true for you too?
Here’s a little secret, ‘perfect’ isn’t real; it’s an elusion. It erodes and destroys confidence, leaving your self-trust filming in the pits.
Are you a perfectionist?
Numerous factors contribute to perfectionism, whether it be a competitive edge that’s gone a little too far, a need to be seen and valued, fear, or instilled parental or cultural practices.
Do you worry about how others would see you if they really got to know who you are?
Do you find yourself putting off projects and procrastinating because you want to get everything just right?
Are you never fully content with your achievements and constantly questioning how you can do better?
Do you collect up your failures in a jar of mistakes in your mind?
If you answered yes to any of the above, it is likely that you are highly self-critical and currently engaging in the perfectionism cycle.
The good news is, the only way is UP
So, how can you move on up? There are numerous ways to quiet your inner perfectionist and break the cycle that feels never-ending.
Reframe your all or nothing
The perfectionism mindset traps you into thinking it’s a matter of all or nothing. But this mindset is unrealistic – have you ever heard the saying done is better than perfect?
Reframing your ‘all or nothing’ by considering all of the training that goes into becoming a gold medalist or a successful business – without first failing, we cannot learn or grow.
Progress is fundamental to growth, and we all must start somewhere; allow yourself to be imprecise to progress and learn from innovation and shortcomings to discover true accomplishment.
Banish negative self-talk
Along with perfectionism comes that little voice in your head. The non-stop chatterbox that scolds you for not achieving the elusive perfect.
Valuing your needs and banishing negative self-talk allows you to look at your work from a different perspective. Establish realistic expectations that you can accomplish and praise yourself for reaching them.
Break your goals down
The size of our goals as perfectionists are enormous – this overwhelming feeling can really get us down! Using SMART goals can help us break the big picture down into smaller, more achievable chunks, allowing for a celebration of each accomplishment along the way.
Reach out to a pro
When you’re putting in the work and getting nowhere fast, this can be hugely demotivating!
A professional coach can take you through practical steps for obliterating your perfectionism, help you evaluate who you are as a leader, and consider how you deliver more impact in your approach and relationships outside of the perfectionism cycle.