Wrestling with Career versus Motherhood?
Those early years after returning to work after having my children were some of the most difficult and heart-breaking periods of my life.
I loved working. But I loved my children more.
The endless battle to ‘make to home for bedtime’ each day broke my heart, little by little, day by day.
Let me paint the picture…👇
It’s 6pm.
Finally all my meetings have ended.
Now I can get my head down and get some of my actual work done!
I glance outside. It’s so dark already. Of course… it’s winter.
I hadn’t noticed. I’ve been stuck in meeting rooms since 2pm.
I quickly check my phone to make sure there are no urgent messages…
A picture popped up.
My kids.
In their pyjamas.
My tummy lurches.
How beautiful!
I feel an overwhelming ache deep inside.
I miss them. God I miss them.
I’m going to miss their bedtime. Again.
I haven’t made bedtime all week.
It’s ok, I will make it up to them at the weekend.
This is why I work. I do it all for them.
I have no choice.
I have to work like this.
Ok, let me focus on my work now so I can get out of here.
I will sneak into their rooms and give them a little kiss when I get home.
Look at them in this picture, they melt my heart, they so so cute!!!
Ok, back to this report.
Drowning..
This was 2018.
I was working extra long hours to cope with my immense workload.
Little by little, I was drowning in my work.
Bit by bit, I was growing more and more disillusioned by the work life I had worked so hard to create.
There is nothing extraordinary about my situation.
In fact, my narrative above could probably have been written by any working parent out there.
For me, at that time, I didn’t know it but…
Day by day, my mental health was deteriorating fast.
Questioning...
As that was happening, the growing question began to form in my mind:
What am I really doing this for?
Because I can hear myself saying, “I’m doing it for them”, but I was starting to question if that was really true?Could it be, that actually, I was making these choices simply because I didn’t realise there could be an alternative?
Seeing the light...
As these thoughts grew in strength and frequency, I started to realise I was stuck in my own old stories. I wasn’t “doing it for them”, I was just following a path that I hadn’t realised I could question…
What if I could create NEW stories? Could I? Do I have the power to do that?
Yes, I do.
Yes, YOU do too.